Is your life a-ma-zing right now? Are you just so content with how everything’s going for you? Is your future bright? You must be bored out of your mind, and sometimes you just need to jazz things up. Like a nice stub to the toe on your glass coffee table and stepping on a pile of Legos with bare feet – drama keeps things exciting! Here’s how to ruin your life in 12 easy steps!
1. Settle for less.
Make sure to settle for less if you want to make your life just a tad bit miserable. Choose a job that doesn’t pay, doesn’t challenge you, and you don’t want to wake up for every day. Do the same with people you date and who you befriend!
2. Never learn how to manage money.
If you want to make your life the saddest ever, just live beyond your means! Are you making 20k a year? Be sure to go out for fancy dinners every night and go shopping, like, ALL THE TIME.
3. Run away.
Did you meet a guy who makes you think? Does he make you improve overall? Run. Away. Procrastinate and wait until things are perfect before you pursue any new goals.
4. Get too attached to your jerk boyfriend.
Want to keep your self esteem at an all time low? Great! You’re on your way to ruining your life like a champion. Get too attached to a guy who not only doesn’t value you, but will make you sad when you’re excited about anything at all.
5. Don’t forgive anyone.
Don’t forgive anyone, even yourself.
6. Care about what others think.
Remind yourself constantly that you can’t please anyone and that’s your goal in life. Spend a majority of your time looking in the mirror and telling yourself your hair sucks and your hips are too narrow.
7. Live a lie.
You should never be honest – well as much as you can stand it.
8. WORRY MORE.
Are you one of those people who wonder when they’re going to die? Are you constantly in fear of being hit by a car? KEEP IT UP, keep worrying, and make sure it wakes you up at night. Sleep deprivation ruins lives.
9. Ignore your health.
Just drink all of the alcohol. Make sure it makes you sad.
10. Don’t trust your intuition.
Especially if you have ovaries, don’t let them dictate your life! Go down that dark alleyway, and meet that blind date in an isolated location. It’s cool.
11. Throw shade 24/7
Are the people around you doing well in life? Crap ALL over their endeavors. They will not want to be your friend and you’ll become better at being miserable when you’re alone and depressed.
12. Never say you’re sorry.
Which steps have you already committed to to ruin your life? Share your accomplishments in a comment below!